Misunderstandings: A thorn in your side? Or a way to grow?

Misunderstandings: A thorn in your side? Or a way to grow?

As we move deeper into the holiday season today and spend more time with friends and family members, I’ve had more and more people reach out to me wondering how to deal with “arguments”&“misunderstandings.” 

Misunderstandings happen. 

They’re unavoidable. 

There will inevitably be times when something you say or do gets interpreted in a way you didn’t intend. 

And, just as easily, you will find yourself looking at another person who said or did something that leaves you looking at them with your eyebrows furrowed, thinking, 

“Huh. That’s not how I thought this would go. Wow.”

So, how do we manage these moments without giving in to that wave of intense emotion the words or deeds just conjured up in us?

1️⃣ First, lean into the emotion. 

Bet you didn’t see that coming - but hear me out! 

Your reactions to misunderstandings are key when it comes to healing something you may not even know exists. 

Just because you “lean in” to truly feel the emotion doesn’t mean it has to take over! See where it leads you ... understand your needs from a place of personal compassion, not ego. 

2️⃣ Second, take the time to study yourself. Your body’s giving you the signals, but if you launch into a reaction, you’ll miss the lesson altogether.

Are you immediately feeling the heat of rage in your cheeks? Do your shoulders slump in a posture of guilt or shame? Do you feel your eyes welling up? Do you notice a sick feeling in your stomach?

3️⃣ Third, ask yourself why. What happened that brought these feelings to the forefront? When did you feel this same way in the immediate past, or when you were younger? You may be surprised at what you hear from yourself when you pose these kinds of questions.

Once you’ve had time to consider your reaction, it’s time to engage your empathy. Why would the other person misunderstand what you said? Why would they say or do something that brought up such a big reaction from you? Consider where they’re coming from.

And once you’ve had time to thoughtfully reflect on both sides of the misunderstanding, talk to the other person with an honest and open heart through integrity.

Explain what triggered you. Discuss the conclusion you came to about your reaction, and ask for clarification from your friend.

You’re shining the brightest when you can be fully yourself. And when misunderstandings happen, the best way to interact with them is just that - interacting. 

So the next time you find yourself unsure of someone’s meaning or of your reaction to it, breathe through it and attack it from the perspective of learning.